there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
