This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
