the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
