And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
