never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
