clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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