im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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