I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
