They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
