god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
