do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
