I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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