someone threw a dead crab at me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you guys were way drunker than both of me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
