WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize