I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
