I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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