If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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