i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize