After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
