the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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