My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
