Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
