there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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