why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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