UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
