there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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