he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
