It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
