Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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