I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
