i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
