I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
