You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
