I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
