I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
soo... how was my night?
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