I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dignity is for republicans.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
