Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
