dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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