So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
