He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
