my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this will be a night to untag.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
