Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
