I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
