we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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