So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
