FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
