my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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