i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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