We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
