There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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