Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
