none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
