real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do vagina's smell?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
