remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
