I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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