my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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