Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
