Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
