I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
