Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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