but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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