Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
