We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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