I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
