Pappa wants mamma naked
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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